Consider this: does cheating hurt any less when it is done in virtual worlds? Ask this couple from the UK. The couple met in an internet chatroom in 2003 and their romance continued within the virtual world of Second Life (mediated by their online avatars), culminating in both "real"-world and in-world weddings. However, when Amy Taylor found her husband, David Pollard, cheating on her with a virtual prostitute in Second Life, she filed for divorce... in the "real"-world. Some may ask, "Does online sexual infidelity constitute cheating?" One could argue that it all depends on the emotional stakes of those involved. While some couples tolerate, and in some cases even encourage their partners to explore extramarital affairs in online worlds (perhaps because they feel that online infidelity is less "serious" than "real"-world infidelity?) others, like Taylor, see no significant difference between the two. A virtual world like Second Life allows humans to experience intimacy that is mediated by online avatars. This "virtual" intimacy can often feel just as intense as "real"-world intimacy. Are these situations any different from intimate email or chat exchanges, or even from the phenomenon of so-called "work spouses?" The modes by which humans can experience emotional and sexual intimacy are becoming more diverse, and for some the consequences are that what constitutes cheating is not as clearly defined as it once was. What is clear is that for this particular couple the emotional damage that a virtual affair precipitates is no different than that of a "real"-world affair.
-Stephen "Stevie" Rea (your TA)
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Virtual "intimacy", if only virtual, cannot be considered cheating. Though for many reasons, the first and most important aspect of why it cannot be considered cheating is that it never manifests itself into a physical "real"-world intimacy. It is purely a consensual release for the parties involved by way of fantasy and imagination through the use of online avatars.
For example, "cross-dressers"; they are men whom dress and act the part of women for the purpose of fulfilling a fantasy and only during the time in which they are dressed does this fantasy last. When the clothes, makeup, etc. are returned, the men assume their "normal" roles in society and without many people knowing.
In comparison to those who choose to have online relationships, even though emotions may be shared, they cannot be considered concrete or "real" because these people may be posing or enacting a fantasy.
For example, I can create an online avatar and pose as a man in search of a relationship with a woman; by no means is that "wrong" in the sense that I am cheating on a significant other. I would simply be enacting out a fantasy in this virtual forum. Anyone online can lie about their gender, sex, single/in a relationship/seeking and who they are as a person... and it is not necessarily lying to your significant other... it would just be enacting out a fantasy through an online forum.
On a more emotional level, cheating may be percieved by some as any thoughts or fantasies involving someone outside of the relationships, but humans are sexual beings. We exist by ways of sex/reproduction and we all fantasize. People who can disagree may want to question their honesty to themselves.
There are two key points to note when deciding whether or not this situation is considered an affair. The first more widely argued point is whether or not a romantic emotional attachment to someone other than one's significant other is considered an affair. Although there is no physical contact, people have argued that it is still considered cheating. The "cheater" has placed more emotional value on the person they are having an affair with and that leads to emotional neglect of their significant other. Even if it "does not count as cheating", people have been "hurt" by emotional affairs. It can lead to or stem from problems in the relationship. This is common in relationships outside of cyberspace. In the "real" world, emotional affairs have led to physical affairs. There is no knowing whether or not an online emotional affair will lead to a meeting in "real" life that may culminate in physical infidelity. Read more about emotional affairs here.
We can argue that in this cause the affair had no emotions involved because it was a purely virtual sexual affair with prostitute. It does not count because it was in a virtual world and virtual worlds are not real. This problem varies from couple to couple and person to person. Some people consider the events online and in virtual worlds just as important and real as events in "real" life. This depends on the values that a person holds on virtual lives. Ideally couples should discuss how "real" the lives in a virtual world are to them. In reality, this probably would be a difficult conversation to start and continue. People generally do not think about the internet causing problems in their relationships. It is a relatively new phenomenon for people to meet and have relationships online and it may be a while before our cultures integrates this into our perceptions of intimacy and relationships. People's opinions vary too much to come to a social consensus on the boundaries of online relationships. Are they cheating or not? Personally I believe that it depends on what the couple has agreed upon. A couple of years ago the BBC News held a survey which found that majority of people believed an internet affair to be a real affair. Read about it here.
In short, whether or not you believe it is cheating, the couple is the one who makes the final decision on what is okay and what is not.
-Patricia Chan
Just another interesting article on another online affair, but with a funny twist.
Whether or not an online relationship with someone other than your actual world spouse constitutes "cheating" depends on how much emotion you invest into your online persona. Is the relationship really being "mediated" by an avatar, or do the users consider their avatars to be their real selves?
For this couple, it makes sense that Taylor would consider what her husband did "cheating" because his relationship with her also began online. There's a definite possibility that an online relationship could lead to one in the actual world because it has happened once before.
What is cheating is defined differently from couple to couple as it is in the actual world.
Infidelity on an online game is not like having a work spouse because the game is for your own entertainment. A work spouse has a positive function as an outlet for emotions when a worker doesn't spend enough time at home with their real spouse. You could argue that a relationship in an online game serves the same function for the equally estranged, but then the other person is still a work spouse, just online.
Emails and chats are connected to real people. There's no excuse of "playing a game" with a "character." These forms of communication are very much "real."
-Gloria Law
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